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When a grandparent doesn't like to cry

Not only has childhood shifted in the past decades, and the life of the family has changed tremendously, but the role of the grandparent is not like 30 years.

Grandparents who do not like to be cousins ​​(photo: iStock)However, there is no change in the desire of all parents to have a harmonious relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. But what if the grandparent doesn't express himself or herself to be a grandchild?

They couldn't figure out what to do with the grandson

"Our baby was born in a long relationship, it would have been a lot earlier, but we weren't ready," says Luca, who was 30 years old. "My parents used to depress me for years about how great grandparents they would be, how much they want to be cousins. They behaved a bit like I was going to suck up the space that aging had brought me, but I felt sorry." when his beloved grandson was born. "Initially, pretty much everything was okay, they came once a week, though, they didn't help me much. They came in the way they were about to see the grandchild and they really got used to it. As the child grew up, they could they took me to the playground, but something always missed me. Then it became clear what it was like when she got to school: they simply couldn't level, switch with her granddaughter, take programs, open the world to her, and really connect with her. reading tales, playwrights, roles in the Holy Trinity, which is not like a 10-year-old. " Even though they live in a city, grandparents are quiet, they have nothing to do. "While she was sleeping with her grandparents at a young age, it was completely gone. Grandparents don't say anything and the baby doesn't want it." Luca fears that her grandchildren will develop, but she does not feel well. "If I think about it, they didn't know me, they can relate, and in fact, nothing surprising happens to their grandchildren. In addition, I don't think I have a responsibility: grandchild's life, if you want to. Because this is the grandparent's control, I, as a parent, can be the most indirect one, someone whose door is always open to the grandparents. on your open door. "

He cannot descend to the child's level

There's a whole other family background in Cili. She has two children, two abbots, and both of her children born in the world, far from Cili's parents, who were still divorced. "Both of my children were foreign born, though I was at home a few times during my first pregnancy, only once during my second baby, and at the very beginning of my baby's life. and with me as a daddy. I went to visit him and had another "stop". " Cili's parents look like completely different characters, and that's exactly why they have a relationship with their grandchildren, as well as killing their grandparents. "Daddy loves kids, I see weakness as he speaks to us as he speaks. But he doesn't really know what to do with a small child, he is just as big as the kids and he can talk to us. Otherwise, you often come to us, like to phone, chat, and send small surprises in the mail. "Cili brings together her parents' different behaviors from the home. "I think the pattern they got in their childhood, not only what they became parents, but also how great their grandparents are, is a definite one. the protagonists, but the adults, the children, were somewhere on the periphery and adapted, but the mother comes from a typical work family, everything from the kids to the parents says the last thing they give is to the kids. he "goes down" to the level of the kid, plays with him, reads to him, responds to his needs, Dad would never do that. , he came to us once in so many years. "

Can help be needed?

"It's hard to ask if grandparents can help," says Bence, the father of a child. "I think in a good working family this comes by itself. If we are part of one another's life, then it is natural to ask, accept and give. the grandparent-grandchild relationship is never just about their two grandparents, but it always contains the grandparent-grandparent's mutual poem. "Bence says that which is a bit edgy. "When we're born, it's good to have a program where we can't take the kid, but we get help, but somehow I always feel like it has to be very thankful. without a child to cook, to buy, to make an offer, to ask for care, and the answer was that they cooked on, they didn't cook. "" The world changes. In addition, young people are mobile, do not stay in their village, and even move to another country, physically moving away from their family, which is certainly not conducive to the intimate grandparent relationship, "says Cili, in order to develop a close, intimate relationship, it really takes time, a lot of quality time to spend together. "Very difficult request," Cili assists If you have a request for funding, please. "Here in England, too, I hear very often that there is no help, either because parents are away or because they are working. This is a serious problem in many families. But I also hear many stories about grandparents living in a city, Who knows. I think people are generally much more self-centered than they are old. Less helpful, self-centered. take advantage of your grandparent without asking you to schedule your time as if they had no life of their own. "According to Luca, if a grandparent is active, in his grandson's life, it would have to be. "My parents are not working, have no hobbies, do not live a great social life, nor do they help. We can make a lot of sense under our aid: a summer coat, a presence on weekdays, every weekday, every Sunday. to count, not to be proactive, not to define their daily lives, to be prepared for occasions when they can be together with their family. I do not believe that someone is basically a grandparent like the one who was born. how to be present in our lives. That's why we didn't count on them. Nothing comes to our minds by ourselves. "

Different order of values

Besides being away or working, harmony is not a good thing if parents and grandparents think completely differently. Many conflicts can be caused by thinking about important things about the child around the child, but it is much more problematic if the grandparent does not respect the parents' request, while the parents of the child are responsible for the child. " about children, "says Bence. "In our family, children are adapting to the world of adults, grandparents are still thinking: if they fit into their weekly schedules, if they have another program, then they don't. Bence adds that the difference in values ​​also shows that, unlike us, parents, grandparents do not take their children seriously, their problems, their woes. "It's like there are serious things in the adult world. Because of this, they can't be together well, and they often push the child to something they are too small. However, they cannot "go down to their level." "According to Luca, the basic problem is not respected by the borders. "The grandparents think that their job is to get them to sleep on the wall. Because for them, it means that what the child wants is what it is. kids have a lot of things to do, but for us adults we have to do things. We have a lot of conflicts. "" Now he's doing clothes, toys, thinking about his grandchild. He says he will want to cry a lot, because the young man and everyone can only benefit from a harmonious grandchild. "If I'm calm and have a lot of free time, I will have time to enjoy cousing, because it will not be my responsibility to bring up my children. that they will be grown up. "Related articles:
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